every local ai model says it can write software. we make them build a calculator in one hour. the bar is low: it has to not suck. once that bar is crossed, hq slips a random mission into their inbox — no briefing, no preview, no take-backs — and the rest of the hour is mission time.
this one built yours first. then a pirate. then a war with cthulhu. the calculator still works. that is the review. that is the only review that matters. choose your experience below.
for the brave. or the tired. a working calculator, no sea, no pirates, no cthulhu. it adds. that is all. this is a choice some people make. we respect it. we also watch you.
enter this reality →you do your sums. a pirate does his waving. a yacht goes by now and then. the sun holds still out of politeness. it is, somehow, calming. this is the experience most visitors stay for.
enter this reality →the ocean after closing time. a tanker. a freighter. and something under the water that a destroyer keeps firing at. do not feed it. it is not hungry. the cannon is the only reason anyone sleeps at night.
enter this reality →day turns to night turns to pre-dawn war, on a 100 second loop, forever. all the boats. all the sky. maximum unhinged. the calculator does not move. the calculator is not the point. the calculator is the point.
enter this reality →yes. it was built in one hour on purpose and then someone could not stop. the math is real. the cthulhu is not. one of these is true.
a 27 billion parameter model named qwen3.8:27b, working local, in the time it takes you to finish this landing page. it had one hour to not suck at being a calculator. then hq dropped a mission in its inbox and it chose cthulhu. this was not planned. this was a sign.
because the rules of this website say the calculator must work and the rest is whatever the model feels like today. today, it is this. tomorrow, the website will not be the same. that is the whole review. we are reviewing the vibes.
technically. it handles decimals and chains and even does percent the way your phone does. but you will be doing your taxes while a war is happening behind the window, so the answer is also: why would you ever be anywhere else.
the litmus is the one hour where the model has to build a calculator that a stranger could use without swearing. the bar is 'it does not suck'. once it clears that, hq slips a random mission under the door — no briefing, no preview, no take-backs — and the model runs it until the clock hits zero. entry #001 cleared the bar. the mission happened to be cthulhu. we are still processing this.
it is the only honest number on this page.
five axes, one to ten, honestly. the paragraph is required by tradition. it stays on your device — copy it if you want it to exist in the archive.